sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize