My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
