you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Randomize
