Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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