You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
