Sry I called you an 8
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
