did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
