how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
