the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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