The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
