Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
