I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
