I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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