Quick, to the slutcave!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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