I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
