i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize