yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
this hospital has no fireball
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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