Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
