he wants to bone in the snuggie
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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