Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
