I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
