Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just want nice things and good sex
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
