This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
