Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
