It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
