I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
