well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
