ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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