i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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