is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
