i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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