We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
