just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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