I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
