just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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