It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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