TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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