just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
