This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Found your dick twin last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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