Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
