Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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