I hate all girls vehemently.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
