Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
