At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
