that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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