I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
