I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
