You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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