So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
