I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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