I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
