There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
