Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
