You can't special order awesome
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
