she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
