so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
