he puts the penis in happiness.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm both gender and math confused
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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