no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
