There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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