he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
God, I missed his penis.
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