he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
