just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
