Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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