is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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