do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
