I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the day after is always just damage control
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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