Your face is a jimmy john
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
