good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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