did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My vagina just recognized that song.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Randomize
