this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
